Baby M isn't here yet...

but s/he will be soon! And it'll be the the 83,000,000,001 miracle of birth! See the Onion here. Article excerpt follows.

HOPE SPRINGS, AR—The holy and sacrosanct miracle of birth, long revered by human civilization as the most mysterious and magical of all phenomena, took place for what experts are estimating "must be at least the 83 billionth time" Tuesday with the successful delivery of eight-pound, four-ounce baby boy Darryl Brandon Severson at Holy Mary Mother Of God Hospital.

"In our all-too-cynical modern age, the birth of Darryl Severson is proof that miracles do indeed exist," the pope said. "In this special time, it is fitting that we should offer thanks and praise to our Father in Heaven for this, the most precious of His blessings: the blessing of life."

The pope went on to commend Carla Severson for her abstention from birth control, a sin which, had it been committed, would have prevented her pregnancy and delayed humankind's reaching the 83 billion mark by as much as 1/64th of a second. The pope also noted that, with a total of five certifiable miracles to her credit, Mrs. Severson may qualify for canonization as a saint after her death.

Though the 83 billion figure is the one generally agreed upon, experts concede that the precise number is somewhat more nebulous.

"It all depends on how you tabulate the miracles," Cornell University biology professor Dr. Isaac Gregson said. "Eighty-three billion includes not only all the humans who have ever been born, but also all the Cro-Magnons, Neanderthals, Australopithecines and other proto-hominids going all the way back to the first mammals. Of course, if you were to include the rest of the vertebrates in the animal kingdom, it would be even higher. And if you were to also include plankton, unicellular microorganisms and all plant life, the actual number would be closer to, say, umpteen gadzillion. But why quibble about numbers at a time like this? Darryl's birth is a one-of-a-kind special moment that has deeply inspired the world, reminding us all of just what it is that life is all about."